In fact one friend told me that there is nothing like being engaged to someone that u respect, and heard wonderful things about. She said by the time u get married you are so excited to get to know this person better. She said the she spent shana rishona with such a closeness to her husband, all they were doing and were intersted in was getting to know eachother better. And since they were already married they are able to do this any which way they want, without limitations.
I have a few issues with this (for me – not for people that the system works for).
1) It rushes the physical relationship. I was happy that I was able to truly know my husband before anything physical could possible happen.
2) I wanted to know and respect (and in my case love) my husband BEFORE marrying him. What happens if you spend extended time together and decide the person might be wonderful and respectful and have great middos – and even compatible personality wise, but there is just something missing. It happens plenty of times while dating, but now you are stuck in a marriage.
I doubt this system would work for most people I know. That doesnt mean its wrong for everyone though, and I can understand the feeling of relief knowing that your parents basically pick out your spouse and as long as you are compatible, you make it work.
Joseph, while the person may have been an adam gadol, that statement doesnt have any backing. Did they do a full research study on the happiness of marriages? Can they quantify happiness in marriage? Like I said, you can quanitify divorce, but you cannot quantify happiness.