Reply To: The AZ thread – discuss the shidduch “age gap”

Well, you see, that is exactly the problem. To have a solution, you must first understand the problem. That means not just admitting that there is a problem (which I think everyone does admit) – but also knowing why the problem exists. Then you can work towards a solution. But only then.

If you develop a solution without understanding the problem, then your solution could have no effect at all, or it could make the problem worse! It could, also, accidentally make the situation better.

Think of the situation as an iceberg, where 90% is below the surface of the water. You can see that there is an iceberg, but you couldn’t tell me what shape it is unless you put on a diving suit. If your solution doesn’t take into account the factors that are “below the surface” then you have missed 90% of the problem. In this case, your solution takes into account but 1 factor, without even considering other factors or their interrelation.

My hesitance to offer a solution is because I am willing to admit that the situation is more complex than just applying an 5th grade algebra formula. Don’t be proud of the fact that you have developed a solution without doing due diligence.