I think that there are certain issues that are very much shayach and some that are not. In the case of the shtreimel, if that is a real fundamental deal-breaker (“I shouldn’t bother”) then clearly this is not a shidduch to redd, because it will hurt both parties, when it inevitably does not yield success. But if it is something most people would consider to be inconsequential (like hair color, neighborhood that the boy or girl comes from), whether they use paper bags or plastic, then it should not be dismissed out of hand.
My philosophy is that if someone says they dont want XYZ, its not up to me to force it, no matter what I think of the detail. I don’t believe in pushing AT ALL. So, you dont want to date a guy that has blue eyes? Your perogative, not mine.