Nice to see I’m missed. I’m not at home, so not as easy to spend time in the CR.
Lets deal with some of the previous posts:
>>#1 TIP FOR SHADCHANIM: BE TRUTHFUL ALWAYS!!!!!<<
Sorry, this is false. There are many situations where there is actually a mitzva for the shadchan to lie. (If desired this can be further discussed at a later time)
>>I recently called a person and they told me if the boy will wear a shtreimel i shouldn’t bother. Should i proceed without checking this point and leave it for later when it gets serious or is not right?<<
Check initially. 1. since it will be a deal breaker, and 2. because it will hurt you as a shadchan if you set them up with someone who they state they have no intention of marrying.
There are numerous categories which things fall into.
1. Things which are obvious
2. Not Obvious, but will kill the shidduch at anytime
3. Not obvious, but if given time people can get over it.
Example 1: A friend of mine has a glass eye. We were told that this needed to be told to the other side before date #1, as it is something which would be notice right away. And not telling her before hand would create an uncomfortable “shock factor”
Example 2 & 3: A boy has cancer in remission. We would not set him up with a girl who lost a parent to cancer, as she would say no to the Shidduch, even after meeting him a few times, since she does “not want to go through with it again”. However, there are some girls who will say no initially to such a suggestion, as “they have better offers” but they will probably not nix the shidduch if all is going well after 5 dates.
Obviously the streimel does not fit into category 1, you need to see whether it fits into #2 or #3. Though you are implying that it goes into #2
>>But if it is something most people would consider to be inconsequential…<<
Don’t think about whether the others consider it inconsequestial, only consider the Point of View of the girl and guy (and respecive families if they play a role)
>>i think that if they basically come from same type of backgrounds, then it wouldnt be such a deal for either side to put on/take off a shtreimal, however, if it is an issue,then maybe even though it wont seem like this to the shadchan that maybe they arent that similar- and a very important thing in a marriage is to have similar backgrounds.<<
This has no connection to the question. There is a reason the girl wants to know this before hand. Background plays no role here.
Not sure I agree with you about the background comments (which is a nice way of saying I don’t)