Thank you Joseph, kudos for answering for me! 🙂
000646 – The Rabbonim decide what is the norm…they are “kovea”…
feif un – I believe they would say it’s HALACHA not CHUMRA….however, feel free to ask your local rabbi and get back to me. It’s unfortunate to hear the story about your wife (at least a happy ending b”H) but it’s totally wrong for people to give the wrong impression of yeshivish/charedi Judaism just because they don’t have the patience, or knowledge, to answer her. They should at least have the patience to refer her to someone who could answer her Qs…
Please don’t judge the Rabbis though based on the few (you don’t say if they were Rabbis or regular “yeshivish” people)…find one that IS patient and will hear you out & explain things and you can go with them with any of ur Qs…sometimes you need to speak to several before finding a G-d fearing Rav you “click” with (or at least who’s da’as torah resonates with you). Good luck to you and your wife! 🙂