Shortly I met the woman who would become my wife, I heard a shadchan speak. He said his job had become much more difficult in the last 20 years, since people started giving him a shopping list: “I want a man over six feet tall, with a full head of hair, definitely not a republican, etc. . . . “
He said this had made his job much more difficult, since people a priori excluded so many possible matches, giving him a much smaller pool to choose from.
He also made the point that most successful shidduchim before that time were people that the two parties would not have selected, given a list of characteristics beforehand.
I heard him talk, and said to myself, at least I am not like that, I don’t have a shopping list. But still, I decided to be more open-minded and try to do away with the few preconceptions I had.
Whether I did or not is unclear, but a few weeks later, I met my intended, now my wife. I knew after a week or two that she was meant for me, and within a month I knew we would eventually marry. It was just a feeling I had, she felt right, and everything felt right.
But, if you had presented her to me as a list of attributes ahead of time — well, she’s short, she’s from Russia, and a few other things I would have perhaps nixed.
But, she also has kindness and compassion, love and an infectious laugh, and a bounty of other things that make up for the attributes I didn’t much care for.
So, here is my special formula:
1. Listen to a famous shadhan speak.
2. Laugh at the shadchan’s advice, and believe that it doesn’t really apply to you.
3. Go out and meet the right person.
We have been married almost five weeks now, and they said it wouldn’t last.