Reply To: The Post-Shidduch Crisis

Again, the rav here doesn’t just know a handful of anecdotal stories. He’s someone actively involved in a lot more than makes the grapevines. You are welcome to disagree, but I’m not quoting him here due to his semicha. I’m quoting him due to his expertise and experience. Unless you have more experience than him in this area, his opinion carries more weight, even from an academic point of view that doesn’t assign credence to Daas Torah.

Here is a selection from the article for those who haven’t read it. Hard carriage returns are an artifact of copying from the Mishpacha pdf:

Rav Weinberger shifts the conversation

to what he sees as the prime enemy of

successful stable family life in the American

Torah community of 2009.

struggle, we have to understand the nature

of the enemy. The Internet is destroying

family life the way that we know it. Again

and again, I see couples in this very office

admit it at first, they blame everything

else, but in time, it becomes clear that

what has undermined the foundation of

their marriage is the sights and ideas that

longer afford to ignore the Internet

many businesses and individuals find it

know, but this I will say. It is imperative

that we openly and candidly admit and

acknowledge the dangers. We have to stop

are working too, and they are also exposed

to a whole new world. There has to be open

each other enough that we recognize the

they have to know who their husband is

socializing with for eight hours a day, what

So many times I have heard from women

longer an option, unfortunately. Women

have to become savvy.

time; if she is at home with her children,

then she should be comfortable enough

in his office to walk in at any time. Even

make it a point to stop by. A woman with

remarkable shalom bayis sat here and told

me that she insists on hiring the personnel at

kehillah, we have set up chaburos where

we openly discuss the issues, we learn the

halachos of shmiras einayim, tzniyus, we

study the hashkafah of it as well. The yetzer

hara is real. We try to equip ourselves

to realize that he is working for families,

not individuals. There has to be awareness

that a girl who is considering a career is

making a very important decision, and

she should discuss it with a Rav or teacher

before doing so. She has to fully understand

the trials and situations that may arise.

These are real issues. If a Rav hopes to be

relevant, he has to face the realities that his

people face each day.

[by

Rav Shmuel Neiman] which delineates the

Rav Weinberger shares a workplacerelated

recollection from his rebbi,

extremely careful about not referring to

women by their first names, which he saw

as a breach of tzniyus. There were some

women who were very close to my family

and me, and I felt that they would be hurt

asked the Rosh Yeshivah. He said no, that

I could not. And he was very normal. He

truly understood the human heart, though,

Rav Weinberger is unambiguous about

are trustworthy and an ehrliche Yid, but it

is still unthinkable to test yourself. A wife

Plain and Simple Training Rav

Weinberger turns to another danger to family

addiction to BlackBerrys and cell phones

can do serious damage to the fabric of a

marriage. If a husband comes home at the

end of a day and, while his wife is talking

to him, his eyes keep wandering back to the

people call me from their vacations and

ask about using the coffeepot in their hotel

rooms. I want to ask them if they asked me

about the appropriateness of their vacation

choice in the first place! Those are the sheilos

this an appropriate place to vacation? Is it

proper to go on vacation along with another

problems come from excessive socializing

with other couples, from joint Shabbos