wolfishmusings and potsandpans – thank you for your clarification. My point was, as you both are saying, the boy/girl really does need to be in touch with das Torah to know that they are objectively doing their hishtadlus. I guess that I’m a little sensitive here, because my own son was encouraged to go out and marry a girl that my husband and myself knew was not good for him. The outcome – he unfortunately has come to understand how right we were, and he is trapped. As parents, we stand by him, and are encouraging him to seek the help that he needs to pick himself up, keep this marriage together, and grow with this nisayon. But there is no simple answer to this question, and it is true that many parents today are out of touch with their children. But there is another side to be considered, that many boys and girls who are in the parsha are temimusdik and naive and just not equipped to make such a decision on their own – like my son. A “top” yeshiva bochur who only cared about his learning and shteiging – and knew nothing about shidduchim, and was easily farfeert.
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