okthen – from my experience, the best think you can do is LISTEN. If they start coming to you about the things they are doing wrong, it’s totally pointless to lecture – they KNOW it’s wrong, and usually they care plenty, but the pain is blocking their logic, and sometimes, teens just want some attention, so they do something that will shock others (note: this is NOT always the case). You don’t have to know what to say – very often, a person doesn’t want an answer; rather, they just want to be heard and accepted. Don’t try to fix things (unless you specifically have the power to change something), don’t try to “refrum” them, ultimately, the person themselves has to reach a point where they feel comfortable enough with themselves and their life to reaccept the various boundaries of yiddishkeit. At the same time, don’t encourage their behavior. Talking about their level in yiddishkeit comes much much later with a very close MUTUALLY respectful relationship. Very often, these teens don’t feel much respect from their family, school, etc, so they rebel to show they “don’t care” – they usually care very much, but don’t always respect themselves, so the greatest gift you can give them with your friendship is your RESPECT…
wow I have a lot more to say, but I’d like to hear some feedback first…