This is a complex topic. I will summarize the salient points (i.e. the rules of the game).If you don’t abide by the rules you can’t play the game. The Roshei Yeshiva combined with peer pressure enforce the rules.
1. Given: The mentality in Israel is different than in Chutz la’aretz.
2. The previous and current generation of yeshivishe Jewry has placed finding a good learning boy for your daughter as the highest life priority by far.
3. Good boys cost good money. The boy is selling the product (himself) and the girl is the buyer. It is a seller’s market.
4. A top boy gets an apartment plus enough money to live for “x” years (siddur mallai). Better boy, bigger “x”.
5.It doesn’t matter where the money comes from, either you have it or you don’t.
6.If you don’t have the money, you may settle for a second tier boy. Less money, lower level boy.
7. The system as described above is currently collapsing for obvious reasons.