Oh, now I get it. Still, I think my post does answer the question in a way. Let me restate:
I think the “defense mechanism” (work on yourself, ect) gets brought up, its because I really cannot argue with you on “halacha” per se, as “halach” has very clearly defined terms. Lets use matzoh as an example. No one in the world will say that a matzoh baked in 19 minutes is kosher. But lots of people will say that cholov stam is ok. Is that halacha? I can “prove” my position as decisivly as you can yours.
Same with the tznius thread. “Halacha” says sleeves below the elbow and you are good to go. But take a walk down the avenue (makes no diffence which one) and this is what you’ll see:
Below the elbow shell, under a scoop neck t-shirt, that I cannot describe in a yeshivaworld post. Is that tznius? You decide. Is that halacha? I would have to say yes, as its below the elbow. But is it tznius? You decide. Till then, we resort to name calling… because the “halacha” is too hard to define, and even harder to inforce.
My kids school does not have a printed dress code. They have an honor code. If you want to be here, please be a part of the team. If you don’t want to be a part of the team, why are you here?
This way, the “halacha” is self enforced. On the outside world, each of us have our own standard, and our own version of interpretation. If my take is different than yours, put up your dukes and lets fight it out!
OK, maybe that’s too dramatic. But you get the idea. If its cut and dry (like a 19 minute matzoh) there is nothing to argue about. But the variables? I could go on for days.