I was just reminded of my own experience when I was set up (maybe 35 years ago or more) with a very nice young man who was extremely overweight, I went out with him as a favor to a relative of his, knowing he was obese. I knew immediately that I would not be attracted to him at all, but I was a pleasant date and we had a really nice evening. He also was a very pleasant date, though hashkafically very different from me (and that is something my friend, his relative, should have told me in advance). I did not go out with him a second time for that reason, but nothing I did or said on that date would have led him to think that it was because of his weight. And I think that is at the core of this. Treating people with sensitivity is not always easy, but it is a fundamental principle of Torah. To react negatively to someone’s looks, to the point that he/she realizes it, says something more about the looker than the lookee.
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