sephardic.chabadnick: My heart goes out to you. Right now, you might feel like you’re stuck in a box with no way to move. Much of what I would have said was said above by philosopher. Feel free to ignore my suggestions, I’ll try to be generic, since I dont know the specific specifics of your life.
1. If moving to a different community is at all possible, then think about it. Its a terribly sad fact that not every Jew is as perfect or as good as we might like them to be, and also sad that you may have been exposed to some people who are “still in training”. Do research, speak to community Rabbis, call people in community centers but it might be worth your while to walk in somewhere with a fresh start for both you and them.
2. Choose one part of your relationship with Hashem and give it your all. Dont skimp on anything. Every day, take one paragraph of Tefillah, a chapter of Tehillim, a bracha, or even just in your own words. And tell Hashem whats in your heart. Not because people might be watching, but the real thing.
Remember, “Shivisi Hashem L’negdi Samid” means that Hashem is always in front of you. It not only means that a person should distance themselves from sin, but exactly what it says, Hashem is always in front of you. You! He doesn’t leave to deal with someone elses problem, He’s all yours. Use the oppurtunity. Tell Him exactly how you feel. I promise, He’s listening.
May Hashem bless you with peace of mind, and happiness through every journey life takes you through.
P.S. please keep commenting here, I know I for one, (and I’m sure many other people) care to know how everything is going. Please keep us updated.
🙂