Mental health is the aleph beis. And then –
1- As sister bear said so eloquently, you’ve to be the kind of person you’d like to marry.
2- Middos, lifeplan – and be good friends. That is what turns the spark that gets you married into a lifelong, healthy, fulfilling relationship.
And believe. In today’s messed up world, with siyata d’shamaya, your head screwed on straight, and a trustworthy mentor who’s not just a yes man (or woman) – it can be done. The two nightmares – marrying and being miserable for the rest of your life – or marrying someone who hid all of their chesronos and getting divorced – it doesn’t have to be that way. Believe.
I feel like there is so much pessimism that kids believe that have to settle. Now, settle they must, on hollywood garbage – but not on the real deal.
As chazal teach us, before marriage, keep both eyes open. Afterwards – just one.