Just before the weekend, Philosopher made a valid point, that “go out daters” suffer from the surprise factor, just as much as “beshow” couples.
While that may be true, there is a vast difference. In the “go out date” system, the decision to get engaged is one that is arrived at after time spent (no, Kliobear, its not the same as time served 🙂 so the decision is YOURS. If there are bumps along the road, you have an incentive to work hard to get things back on track. Of course, you’re not in a vacume, and you can ask for help / advise from your parents / rov / mentor / cr, whatever.
But in a beshow setting, its essentially a done deal from the minute you walk thru the door, so if things aren’t rosy you freeze because you have nothing invested. And don’t tell me not so, because the timeline from entering shidduchim for the chassidishe oilam is too short to be anything but.
I should also point out (even though I think its pretty clear from my other posts) that my real beef is with the bochurim. The girls (both chassidish and litvsh) are head and shoulders above their male counterparts, when the age range is 19-21. So clearly, its the boys who need to step up to the plate, and until then, the girls are at the mercy of a system that needs to be updated (no pun intended)
And I have BOYS, so I’m not biased; I’m just being honest.
Lastly, to the posters who think I’m speaking from bitterness,and (even funnier was) the suggestion that I was raised in a restricive home let me assure you;
A) While I have some chassidishe flavor, I’m anything but a chusid and
B) In my childhood days, we had a TV, ate cholov stam, when to movies, ect. (Not that this has any bearing on the shidduch scene we’re discussing now.. I just thought it was a funny assesment of me. )