Sof –
I have no idea on the system used in EY or Europe, so I cannot comment on that. America however is my home turf, so unless you’re talking about the super-duper ultra yeshivish crowd or children (grandchildren?) of rabbonim / rosh yeshiva, the “bent down brim” crowd goes out. (for the most part at least).
Now, on to my next question:
Curly – Although I / my family do not wear the full geshtell, living in 11219, we know a great deal about the “heimish” crowd who will opt for a Shtramel / bekkisheh, yet are not directly tied to a particular chassidus.
That said, internet (and TV/movies/ mixed swimming, ect) are probably big time no-nos in both your background and that of your chosson. Yet, you seem to be ok with interacting on the CR. Fine. So are all of us.
But what would be the reaction to finding out (after the tenioyim) that the chosson is a regular visitor to this (or any other) on-line forum? Not a pleasant surprise, I would imagine.
This is why I am such a critic of the beshow in today’s “flexidish” market. On the one hand, there is every expectation that both parties at the beshow will be on the same page in terms of commitment to living a chassidish lifestyle. Yet, one of the parties (in this case, you) is quite comfortable on-line. Is your chosson just as comfortable? Hard to tell, if you only meet in a 1-2 hour, very controlled, very supervised setting.
Getting out for a day, in the outside world (like a park) would give you each a chance to see how the other operates in “real-time”. Again, the beshow worked (and still works) fine when both parties were cut from the same pattern. But when one (or both) has outside influence, that’s a varaiable that should be known in advance. And there is little chance this can be determined in a 2 hour meeting.
Since you seem to be headed for a “go out” date, you should be fine. Just keep your ears / eyes open. The last thing you want in a spouse is someone who is not on the same page as you. The prospective mechutonim need to meet? Let them. But the two of you need some space to see what each are really thinking, not what the script says.
Another good litmus test: watch his driving habits. Tells you loads about his personallity.
Hatzlocha! (or as they say in 11219, Hatzlucheh!)