There was a time when I had exactly what ur describing (even worse) and I found that the answers didn’t make me really believe. What helped me find my place in yiddishkeit was that I went to a camp where the girls weren’t sooooo yeshivish but I found that they had more meaning to yiddishkeit than the girls who were really, really greased. They davened well, etc. and that’s when I realized that you don’t have to be soooo frum to be an ovaid hashem. The point is to serve hashem with sincerity.
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