Moq,
I lived in a small out-of-town community in the central US. Despite the fact that homes were much cheaper than in Flatbush, I couldn’t afford to stay at home because of tuition. Most parents in the school were klai kodesh (rebbeim or kollel members), and paid little to no tuition. Since my husband was in school, we didn’t count as klai kodesh and were expected to pay full tuition (which was quite high, at least 75% greater than the actual cost per student, in order to subsidize the klai kodesh).
Unlike the klai kodesh families, we could not afford cleaning help, new clothes (we got hand-me-downs from relatives) or vacations, since we paid full tuition. When I lost my job while pregnant and could not find another, I asked for a tuition break. The executive director of the school berated me for my inability to find another job and threatened to kick my children out of school, claiming that schools in cities such as Baltimore never provide tuition breaks when parents lose jobs (I found out later that this is not true). Although he didn’t kick my kids out, my daughter was bullied by other students and we were ostracized in the community.
Not long after we moved to a wonderful, warm NJ community where my husband found a good job and we found good schools there for our children. Recently our personal and financial situation changed, and currently we are barely able to pay tuition. My children’s schools have been amazingly warm and supportive, and are responsive to my children’s needs. They recognize that my situation precludes me from working outside the home, and have not pressured me to find work in order to pay tuition.
Living out-of-town doesn’t mean mothers can stay home with their kids. Often out-of-town school have a smaller parent base, along with a higher persenctage of non-paying students, so tuitions can be higher than at in-town schools.