I agree, something is lost if you don’t hear his deadpan voice in your head. But not all is lost. Here are some other good and readable ones:
- Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
- I broke a mirror in my house. I’m supposed to get seven years of bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
- I was going 70 miles an hour and got stopped by a cop who said, “Do you know the speed limit is 55 miles per hour?” “Yes, officer, but I wasn’t going to be out that long…”
- I was in a job interview and I opened a book and started reading. Then I said to the guy, “Let me ask you a question. If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?” He said, “I don’t know.” I said, “I don’t want your job.”
- Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.
Etc. So…. has this thread been sufficiently derailed yet?