and i think that people here have it all wrong!!!!
has anyone thought of going over and just crying with the parents!!!, not giving Chizuk (wrong time) not giving advice (what do you know) cut the nisyonos talk (no-one is looking for such a nisayon) cut the advice and chizuk that may be oh so out of place and just sit and cry with the parents!!!!
Rav Segal zatzal, the Msnchester Rosh Yeshivah used to call up people to be menachem avel, and cry on the phone, not say anything just cry!!!! and then he would hang up the phone.
at times so difficult as this, that only someone who sadly enough experienced it has any kind of right to SAY anything, only someone who experienced it can know what to say, everyone else should save their words and chizuk and just cry.
because there is no greater nechama that to see someone who is able to cry with you and feel your pain.