Let me put it this way: in Jewsih law, the only way to break a marriage is for the man to give a get. There are exceptions to this, but this is the general rule.
eclipse:
“I have zero mechila for every single person who forced me to stay married to my ex and allowed him to stay and torture me all those extra years…”
First of all, I am truly sorry that you had to go through a (by the sound of it) messy divorce.
That said, nobody needs to actively force a woman to stay married; by default, she is stuck where she is. Therefore, these people didn’t actively force you to stay married; they just passively did not break the marriage.
“And what Torah-abiding(?) men are doing to Torah-true women…in court,in bais din…I’d write a book but it’s all Chilul Hashem.”
Two wrongs don’t make a right. The halacha is what the halacha is, whether or not you like its messengers.
HindaRochel:
“The beit din is unlikely to just order her back to her husband, unless the beit din actually doesn’t care about a stable marriage.”
The question is not if the marriage is stable; the question is if the marriage is still applicable. Whether or not a marriage is in the best shape has no difference on its halcachic status. If the woman would go “marry” (for lack of a better term) somebody else, she would still be chayiv skliah, and her children would still be mamzeirim. She is still married, whether she likes it or not.