Your story is so sad because you let other people get in the middle of your relationship with Hashem. Why should you let the hypocrisy and sinners steal your relationship from you. What a pity, what a shanda. Yiddishkeit is not just a community of Jews and not just a society of people it is a one on one relationship with Hakadosh Baruch Hu.
Clever, even though you left them behind, Hashem has never left you, and I am sure you know it. He is always by your side and you should never hesitate to reach out to him. No matter what you have done, no matter what you are still doing, he still loves you and he is still looking out for you. Please don’t keep score on what other people do. Hashem is the ultimate score keeper and he is the only one that needs to keep cheshbon. In the end, when everyone has to give their din v’chesbon as they stand before their maker, everyone will get exactly what he feels they deserve.