Clever, it was truly saddening to read your personal story, and I hope Hashem blesses you with happiness and success from here on.
I also am impressed and commend you that your attitude is to hope to one day be frum. Hashem certainty doesn’t give up, and haba litaher misayin oso; when one tries to better himself, he is granted special help from Hashem to do so.
A good and trustworthy Rabbi would definitely be a tremendous asset and sounding board and source of advice, IMHO.
In addition to “not judging Judaism by its members”, I wanted to touch on some of your points you made, as I have been reading the coffee room more than usual, myself, recently, and wanted to give you my impressions on what you wrote.
“1:New York is the end all be all to Jewish existence”
Having been in a number of communities around the country and beyond, I would say that New York definitely has an infrastructure that is unmatched elsewhere and there are realities that reflect that. There is also a certain influence that the uniquely dynamic and busy nature of New York has on everyone, and that is also not duplicated elsewhere, in my experience.
But, no, New York is not the be all and end all, and there is actually much more to even New York than the stereotypical Boro Park and Flatbush.
However, I think that people who grow up with everything within 2 blocks of their homes simply do not have the mindset of specifically getting to be familiar with other places. Whereas if you’re used to, say, getting meat from this city and your benchers from New York, you are much more likely to have a “global village” mindset than if everything is around the corner or a block away.
“2:Women are not to be trusted and should have their every breath monitored until they are married and then its their husbands problem.”
I’m not sure what you’re referring to, but I certainly hope that’s not the case. Young women are trusted to do chesed in various places, to go to school alone and/or with friends, among other “trust” placed in them. There may be odd cases in certain sects, but that’s certainly very far from being representative of observant Judaism.
“3: A child who maybe doesn’t fit in an exact mold of a community, school or even family is damaged and should be excommunicated to not damage the “untainted children””
I have personally seen the opposite, in more than one instance, and even if the child is (beyond) not Shomer Shabbos at that point. I believe parenting takes a tremendous amount of siyata dishmaya and some parents, when given this incredible challenge, R”L L”A, may have a hard time handling it. But please know there are lots of good people out there who do not at all do what you describe, and their kids ultimately become tremendous assets to society.
“4: Working is a last resort for men and only “learning boys” should be considered for shiduchim. Working boys get first crack at the bargain bin.”
I think this attitude (again, not at all a hard and fast rule) is slowly changing, and also I happen to know many “working boys” who have (as far as I can tell) spouses that anyone would be proud to have and, most importantly, that they are proud to have.
“5: Balei Tshuva are only a breath away from being not frum and should be avoided like a bomb about to go off. Converts should be viewed with skepticisim if not completely treated as pariahs.”
Again, I know countless examples where this is not true and where Baalei Teshuva are, in fact, treated with even more respect due to their impressive journey. The few converts I know are well-respected, too.
I guess the bottom line is that there are all types of people in this world, and I believe that while not everyone is perfect, our people have much to admire in each other.
Hatzlacha Rabba and all the best.