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What I wrote is based on a famous story with Rav Moshe Feistein. Yes reality is that a parent can do more harm then good for their child without even realizing it.
From Revach.net
Rav Moshe Feinstein – ‘Siz Gut Tzu Zein Ah Yid!
The Meoros HaShabbos tells a story of someone who once posed the following difficult question to Rav Moshe Feinstein. In the early part of the last century if one wanted to be Shomer Shabbos, he would very often need to find a new job on Sunday, after being fired for not coming to work the previous day. Nevertheless there were many Giborei Koach who passed this Nisayon and were moseir nefesh to keep Shabbos despite the hardship. How is it possible that many of these courageous Yidden had children who went of the derech, even as conditions for a Yid considerably improved as the community grew, with the influx of European Jews after the war?
Rav Moshe’s answer is heartbreaking but something we need to learn from. Rav Moshe said that this all depended on what the child saw in the house on the holy day of Shabbos. If he saw his father, the worn out warrior, bemoaning his terrible fate and worrying about his future, then despite his mesiras nefesh his child learned the lesson that being a Shomer Torah U’Mitzvos is torturous. If we feel that “Shver tzu zein ah Yid”, our children may opt for the easy life despite our decision to serve Hashem in light of the difficulty. However if the father came to Shabbos glowing, feeling fortunate to be able to bask in his Creator’s warmth on this special day, even at the expense of his job, this child understood that Shabbos is very special, and it is a priceless privilege to be part of the fold.
Our children are watching carefully. Not only our words but also our body language. What we feel is important and Geshmack is what they will come to value. Happiness screams louder than words. Enjoy Hashem, enjoy Shabbos, enjoy Yom Tov, enjoy learning, enjoy giving tzedoka, and make it enjoyable for them too. If torah and mitzvos are a burden, in today’s day and age there are plenty of alternatives and they are readily available, Rachmana Litzlan. When we grew up it was enough to “Enjoy Coca Cola” but today they want more. It isn’t a trick, Diracheha Darkei Noam. But we ourselves need to believe it and feel it before we can pass it down to them. Oy es iz gut tzu zein ah yid!