dunno
somehow, i find your logic skewed. your attitude seems to be “so what if its a rotten approach, so what if my values are off, its important to me, so i am going to chase it anyway”.
yeah, no wonder people chase themselves in circles, they are searching for perfection, something non-existent. but if thats whats important to you, by all means, keep looking, and I wish you hatzlacha in your search.