Personally I don’t feel you are shallow or did anything wrong in what you felt. These feelings are there, albeit in the disguise of a “turned-off-ness to something about her” to guide you in finding your bashert.
When you find the right one there will be absolutely no physical defect, or spiritual peckle, (small or large) that could possibly stand in your way of wanting to marry this person.
I am plump but its a fact that my husband finds it attractive on a woman.
My personal taste is that there is no way, absolutely no way I would ever be attracted to a chubby man. The fact is, that normally with zivigum all the traits are divided between the couple. So sometimes, you have that one person has a problem that they like to overeat. So that person will tend to be heavy, while the other one doesn’t. For example, my husband is the opposite of me. He is well built and does weights. He needs a soft, chubby zivug. Get it?
I believe that ppl who are overweight- it always goes together with an “issue”. So, perhaps you aren’t attracted to the neshama who has the “issue” they have which results in being overweight from eating. You will get a wife with other “issues”, that result in other meshugiusin she may have, which you will in turn be “blind” to as you “need” these in your life to work out for your soul correction.
All of the above opinion/theory is only true if you are not one of these Bocherim who just wants a blonde barbie dolls to show off to your friends. My husband has good advice for these types`:
Do everyone a favor and don`t get married…because
What are you going to do when she is 45, over the hill, had a
few babies and added a few lbs? She will not turn heads anymore at that point.So if you are really just into looks you need to correct that.