Sac, I apologize but obviously I “didn’t know your story” because you explained it later on. I only thought I understood your story from what you inferred being the only one giving in and making concessions. The problem with a situation such as yours IMHO, is that some shadchanim do not listen to their clients (and I am not talking about professional per se, just those who are dabbling or trying) and match you up with who THEY think will be perfect for you. Unfortunately they put two people into really difficult situations. Because although their personalities might match, their looks and height might match, and even their values might match, if their hopes and dreams are not on the same path what is the point. If someone is really looking for a learning boy and you set her up with a working boy and vice a versa, what is the point?
Two young people will like each other and start having feelings for each other only to realize that it can’t possibly work out because in their heart of hearts, one of them will have to give up their dream or the life they really wanted to live. How is this shadchan helping either of them? Both are very nice ehrlich individuals, you can’t say anything bad about either and yet, as much as they have in common the difference between them is as wide as an ocean.
Now the shadchan may say, so what? What’s the big deal, they should compromise. But it is not the shadchan’s life that we are talking about. It is not the shadchan that has to compromise about learning or working or who will be working. That is a huge compromise and a huge decision to make. THAT is a deal breaker and that is something that the shadchan should have known beforehand. Parents need to know this as well and need to discuss with their children whether this is a deal breaker or not. It is not fair to say “Yes” and then wait for one side or the other to give in on such a major issue.
Compromises can be worked out on whether you live in BP, Flatbush or elsewhere. Compromises can be worked out on a 1 bedroom or 2 bedroom apartment or whether they need a car the first year or not. Compromises can be worked out on many different issues. But when it comes to the basic lifestyle of how you want to live your life, that is really not up for negotiations.
Again Sac, I apologize, one is not selfish or spoiled when it comes to this issue or one similar to it. If you compromise on the basic foundation of marriage it will only lead to disaster. Hatzlocha to you and to him as well. You will both find the one that will complete you.