To the precious student..
I received and read your letter. I must say that I have not reached a level where I can give advice to people, telling them exactly what to do. However, I will reply and respond to your remarks according to my limited understanding.
It seems to me that you are trying very hard to grow in Torah and Yiras Shamayim and that you are certainly fulfilling your required efforts and Hishtadlus in this regard. However, you now find yourself in a position where you simply need help from outside. The logical explanation for this, is simply because all lofty and spiritual pursuits requires special assistance above and beyond our physical capabilities. Therefore, I am providing you with the name and address of someone who can surely help you.
They call him God.
Whoever will give you different advice, it is only a waste of your time to pursue such advice. Simply turn to the one who can truly help you (Hashem Yisborach) and grab hold of him and never let go until you achieve that which your heart desires!
Shimshon Dovid Pincus