“this has been built up in my head all these years, one can’t expect it to not scare me in any way or form. “
We can expect that now, as so many of us have already told you that this is nonsense that you were told. Soem bubba-meisas really ARE absolute naarishkeiten. Relax and enjoy your engagement period. BTW, if you feel this way based on all the years you have heard this foolishness, why did you go out with him a second time after seeing him the first time? If the reason is that you saw this was a real possibility that this is your zivug hehagun, then clearly the nonsense you heard meant nothing to you. Now, LET IT GO and live a wonderful life with your bashert.