oomis – i don’t think we are disagreeing that both the guy and girl should be nice and courteous. we are disagreeing as to what qualifies as nice and courteous. Why should a girl not be able to say that she DOESN’T appreciate the walk? To classify any one of those girls as “probably such and such a type” is very unfair and judgmental. That is gaavah! What about people (far and middle eastern) who’s custom it is to belch as a compliment to the chef. Yeah, I think it’s gross, but if the guy is otherwise a nice guy, why would you use one (obviously, from this thread) debatable thing to castigate him so fast.
And please don’t bring raayos of courtesy from married people. Married people have to treat each other differently than dating people are allowed to in many instances (not saying that this one is, but it seems some people feel that way). And even if you are right (and I don’t think you are) that walking to the door is common courtesy, at the very least this board has proven that there may be sufficient doubt in the guy’s mind as to what the girl will consider appropriate or appreciated. Considering that, to use this “lack of courtesy” as a basis for labeling the guy a jerk is bigoted and unfair.
Has your husband ever done anything that was discourteous? What was your reaction to it? Why can’t you have a similar reaction to a date? Why just jump to conclusions. Maybe talk about it. I know I have spoken to girls about things they did that I was concerned about (Tznius, for example. I was told by my very frum rosh yeshiva that although tznius is extremely important, you must investigate and see why she isn’t up to the standards you expect. Of course within reason so, no, miniskirts and tank-tops are not OK).
And finally, please address my curious question (This is my third invocation, and your ignoring it means that you either don’t have a good answer or you are ignoring me which is discourteous 😉 ): What are the top 5 things that you think are important to look for in a guy you are dating? And, once again, be specific please. None of “He should be a mentsch” since that is too broad. If you want to make it 10 things so you have more to work with, that’s fine.