first of all,I’m so proud of all the girls and women who are working so hard on growing in this area , it really is a difficult nisayon for women. To mytake. maybe this will help you. i’m much older but when i was in sem in yerushalayim and short skirts were in back then too,i had one really long skirt (for the time) that i wore whenever i went to the kosel. after a while i started wearing it all the time becuz i never knew when i would want to go to the kosel and had my mother send me more . by the time i got home i wore only longer skirts becuz i got used to it and came to realize thar Hashem sees me everywhere not just at the kosel. (of course i knew that before but knowing and feeling are not the same) i remember getting comments about my long skirts from people in ny , but those are not the people who matter. years later after i was married and short skirts were no longer an issue, but i dressedd in a very stunning way. totally covered up but eyecatching in a beautiful way. i didn’t understand that this eye-catching loook wasn’t tzanua.until the following incident. My son was in grade 2 and was considered a very special student. his report cards were raves and of course i was very proud. one day i had to pick him up from yeshiva and i was all dressed up in the highly stylish wig (spiky and teased )and the leather jacket that was soo stylish etc. i was about to knock on the door of his classrooom when all of a sudden i realized that I didn’t look like the mother of that budding talmid chacham sitting in the classroom and i was embarrassed for his Rebbe to see me the way i looked. now remember , i looked beautiful and got no complaints from the society, i.e. my husband and family, but i realized there was something wrong with that look. it took moving to erets yisrael to get that style of dress out of my system. i actually gave away some of my gorgeous clothes becuz even though they weren’t too tight or short they were just too, too! i am proud to say that all these years later my son is a Baruch Hashem real Talmid Chacham and any time i’m tempted to dress a little too flamboyantly i say, but i don’t look like ________’s mother. (that’s why i still only have one earring in each ear.) So if you think about the kind of wife and mother you want to be maybe that will give you chizuk to dress the part!!!!. of course you can have beautiful things that you wear only for your husband without sharing them with the world
For “looking to grow”. I know a couple whose shidduch came about precisely becuz the girl decided to strengthen her tznius and take on something extra. one boy she went out with didn’t like the look, so he said no, but recommended the shidduch to someone else he knew and they are Baruch Hashem very happily married and working on their own family of budding talmidei chachamim and little tsniusdik girls. the right boy will davka want a girl who wears the skirts you want to wear. good luck to you all.