“That being said, when my kids get married they will be adults and I will not be in a position to “let” my kid marry anyone.”
Its yur job as a father to determine who yur kids can date and marry. If yur giving up that job then who they get can be anyone. Are you willing to risk yur kids future by having them come home with someone who is very wrong?
Be a man and do yur job! If yur so against smoking then put yur foot down when a smoker is mentined in a shidduch.