157, I could hardly believe what I was reading.
One of the J signs is rachmanim bnei rachmanim, so your constant refrain when encountering Yiddishe nishamos in pain is “I do not care” is disturbing. Perhaps you are really from the Waltons and not the Goldbergs.
Secondly, you seem to put no blame on the person who is acting improperly. Why is that?
Thirdly, a person who mistreats a spouse to such an extent is most unlikely to adhere to boundaries being set.
Fourthly, the “gentleman” in question was unlikely to behave in such a manner during dating. No doubt he was probably charming. SO the lady chose him as he presented himself, not as he actually was…so no, she didn’t get what she wanted. NO ONE wants that, no matter how desperate you seem to think a woman would be…
Sorry to see you have had unhealthy experiences in life.
I sincerely hope it gets better.