binahyeseira:
why does love and appreciation have to expressed through all these gifts? The only thing this shows is that he’s got money to spend, not that he cares about you in slightest.
And if you were a guy, you would understand what we’re saying on the “shidduchim and weight” topic. But I’m not a girl, and I don’t see how chocolate and flowers show you anything but the guy’s finances, and certainly not his deepest feelings. Sounds pretty shallow to me. (Which, as I was pointed out before, is exactly the type of thing that everybody was bashing on the “shidduchim and weight” topic.
Then shouldn’t she be getting him chocolate and flowers too?
mw – you’re right; girls do not understand how guys think, and that is why we have to consistently re-listen to such shiurim as Rabbi Orlowek on platonic relationships and Gila Manosohn on tznius.
and i’m not at all saying that it’s shallow to care about looks – most of us do. what i didn’t like was when people erroneously seemed to be saying that all guys are only attracted to slim girls. first of all, some guys (maybe less than average) really are more attracted to girls who are not anorexic looking. second of all, the way it was being discussed was offensive – we all have different tastes, and if i was a shadchan, i’d be very interested in knowing what exactly each person found attractive, but on a thread where a girl was discussing her problem, i didn’t feel it was nice for people to discuss the “looks” they found attractive. furthermore, when people discuss just the looks without the most important thing – middos, it is demeaning.
which goes back to your complaint against what i said. first of all, i was talking about chocolate and flowers in a marriage! it’s much cheaper than jewelry, which he should buy if he could afford to. second of all, girls (women, whatever?) are also not always purely spiritual human beings. but you’re right, chocolate and flowers without love and mentchlichkeit is nothing, but with good middos, etc. – it shows a woman that the guy cares about her. (though for different girls, it could be different things – point is girls in general like romance – IN MARRIAGE (i’m not talking about dating, engagement, etc. – there is whole other issue, depending on where you’re coming from and who you are).
and, of course, girl should give guy to – but, from my understanding, chocolate and flowers won’t do the trick. however, a good, yummy meal may be more appreciated. but i could be wrong, as i am not a guy.