If you’re going to walk the walk, I doubt you’ll be appearing here again. Lehavdil, please don’t think I’m comparing you to Bilam but you know how he wanted to die like the righteous? You have to live like the righteous. I’m sure you’re a lot closer than Bilam though. Hatzlacha!
And a P.S. One way to do it is to make yourself as needed by the klal as you possibly can.