Dear Adorable,
I never thought I would post here, but i relate to how you’re feeling so well that i just had to.
First of all, you have no idea how many girls out there feel like this so, you are not alone and you are not the only “bad” one. I know exactly what you are talking about because I have, from your vague description, similar inconsistencies. What works for me is take a kabbalah not to expose myself to a certain thing (although i don’t actually ‘feel’ it or want to) and after a while you get resensitized and the emotions catch up with the actions and you no longer want to do those things.
This can be a temporary thing if you take control and you’ll feel amazing afterwards. i know i sound as vague as the rest of you, but I hope you, adorable, understand.
This shows that you care so much about doing the right thing and that should make you very proud!!
Good Luck!
Love,
Your sister in struggle