mommamia22,
It sounds to me that the basic problem is that your husband does not take your side or support you. It seems to me that he is almost inviting his mother’s comments. He grew up in kvetchiness, knows no better, and seems to like it. IMHO you two need to seek some counseling, a neutral mediator – a rav or therapist or both. You have to work out these issues.
You can’t pull away from her if he is still pulling her in. For example, I have troubles believing that your husband would be amenable to having an outside babysitter. Even if he is, once she gets wind of it, that will change.