oomis-i thought your advice was excellent!
momma-here’s yet another idea. when your mil says something negative try to interject something positive. if she says the soup is too bland, tell her that she can add salt and pepper but you and the family prefer it jsut the way it is.
if she says the house is not clean enough, tell her its clean enough to be healthy and messy enough to be happy.
i actually bought a little plaque like that 35 yrs ago for my own howm. my mil is a clean-a-holic and i am a clean person, yet slightly cluttered in some rooms. (not kitchen and bathrooms, they are spotless)my mil saw that sign and got the drift…in a nice way.
try to make your comments in a friendly way so that things dont turn into an all out war. that wont be good for anyone.
another option is…let her say what she says and try really hard to have it go in one ear and out the other.
it wont cost you anything if you can work that into your head.
good luck!