momma, no one knows what is going on behind closed doors. When someone sees you they don’t know the truth either. People learn to become excellent actors so please don’t compare yourself to others. No one really knows the truth and what anyone else’s pekel really is. Please try to remember that. One person might be battling a serious illness in the family, one might be having in-law problems, or a learning disability in the family. On the outside everyone else’s life always looks fabulous and the grass always looks greener on the other side.
Please find yourself a support system that can offer you the kind of support you need, or come here and ask us. We will always be here for you and will be available to you any time of day or night. You are carrying a very heavy burden and it is not easy dealing with such a sick individual. I am very happy that you are NOT allowing yourself to be his victim but you are taking a survivors stance and choosing to survive anything he “throws” at you 🙂 for the sake of the kids. Please make sure you are safe and I hope that you are putting emergency money aside for yourself in case there comes a time when you have to make a run for it.