Reply To: can i date a girl without Shadchan????????/

Biblical matchmaking

The first recorded shidduch in the Torah was the match that Eliezer, the servant of the Jewish patriarch Abraham, made for his master’s son Isaac (Genesis Ch. 24). Abraham gave him specific instructions to choose a woman from Abraham’s own tribe. Eliezer traveled to his master’s homeland to fulfill Abraham’s wishes, arriving at a well. After a short prayer to God for guidance, describing how a virtuous woman might act toward a traveling stranger at the well, Rebekah appeared on the scene and did everything described in Eliezer’s prayer. Eliezer then went with Rebekah to her family and appealed them for permission to take Rebekah back with him to be Isaac’s wife. Once this permission was granted, Rebekah joined Eliezer on the road home to Isaac. Even so, Isaac gained his own impression of her before agreeing to marry her (Rashi, commentary to Genesis 24:67).

However, when Eliezer proposes to take Rebekah back to Isaac in Canaan, he is told by Rebekah’s family: “Let us ask the maiden” (i.e. Rebekah). This is taken as an instruction for Jewish parents to weigh their child’s opinion in the balance during an arranged marriage. Regardless of whether proper procedure is followed, this is not the end of the decision – it is believed by Jews that the final say belongs to God, who may have different plans (compare with the match of Jacob & Leah).

[edit]Talmudic references

The Talmud (Bavli Kiddushin 12a, first version) states that academy head Rav would give corporal punishment to a man who would marry without shidduchin, that is, [4] without prearrangement by the couple. The text gives three versions of Rav’s practice; the other two versions disagree. Some authorities rule according to the first version,[5][6] while others rule according to the other two versions.[7][8]

In Kiddushin 41a states that a man should not marry a woman he has not seen, lest he come to violate Love your neighbour as yourself.

The etymology of the words “shidduch” and “shadchan” is uncertain. The Medieval Rabbi Nissim of Gerona (commonly called Ran) traces it back to the Aramaic word for “calm” (cf. Targum to Judges 5:31), and elaborates that the main purpose of the shidduch process is for young people to “settle down” into marriage (Commentary of the Ran to Talmud, Shabbat 10a).

Footnotes:

5) Maimonides, Mishneh Torah, Women, Laws of Ishut, 3:22 and Sanctity, Laws of Prohibited Relations, 21:14

6) Rabbi Yosef Karo, Shulchan Aruch, III:26:4

7) Hagahot Maimoniot on Mishneh Torah, Sanctity, ad. loc.

8) Rema on Shulchan Aruch ad. loc.

(From Wikpedia-Shadchan)

The Sephardim (who hold of the Beis Yosef), and Yemenite Jews(who hold of the Rambam),probably are more lenient and perhaps follow the view that you can marry without a Shadchan, (they follow the first version of that Talmud in Kiddushin regarding b’lo shidduchei), (for example north African Jews allow on ‘Meimuna’ for the genders to mix like on Tub bi Av), whilst Ashkenazim who follow Maimoniot and Rema, follow the second version that you have to marry with a Shadchan. This is just my theory, please correct me!

Cherrybim maybe this explains your post, (maybe)?