Kshmo
No, it’s not ok and it’s not normal. The issue is my husbands, not mine. It became mine when I didn’t confront him about it and work it through. The problem that I face(d) is that my husband is what’s called an intermittent abuser. He doesn’t always act this way, so it makes leaving all the more confusing. He is sometimes thoughtful and kind, but he also has a very controlling personality. The problem is the public only sees the kind thoughtful person. They don’t hear him threatening to abandon me and our kids on vacation if I upset him, or his threats to drive even faster if I am scared in bad weather conditions and ask him to drive slower, or the whispers of ridicule about my weight that others don’t hear. It may seem obvious to leave but when children are involved the decision has to be weighed carefully. There may be signs of issues that are not verbal. If a friend who formerly dressed well and watched her weight begins to let herself go, this may be a sign of depression. If she declines getting together, preferring to just stay home (when she was a social butterfly), if she often doesn’t answer calls or return them, if she lacks the motivation to pusue goals (professional, etc) all these things may be indications of depression. It can also be just wanting to focus on her marriage. It is tricky to know what’s going on if someone denies it or says they’re ok. That’s why it’s important to stay in contact, keep your eyes open, give real opportunities to talk.