Sapphire-
In that case, if I am understanding you correctly, I honestly don’t think it’s a bad thing. The Gemara darshens the words “[and you shall love Hashem] with all of your heart” and says it means “with your yetzer tov and your yetzer hara.” How can you serve Hashem with your yetzer hara? Exactly this way. You take jealousy, a power of the yetzer hara, and you channel it to be envious of the good attributes of others. The Gemara says that one should always involve oneself in Torah and Mitzvos without the right intentions (e.g. in order to be looked upon nicely by others, etc. – Rashi), because it will ultimately lead to the right intentions. Don’t feel bad that something you are doing might be partially a result of envy and not purely because you are “holding there.” That’s a natural way of growth. The Midrash says that when Hashem created the world, he created the yetzer tov, but the world wasn’t good yet, then he created the yetzer hara, and the world was good. Seems so counter-intuitive! But it’s along the same lines; without the yetzer hara very, very few people would ever grow. It’s those “wrong” intentions that start us off on the right path, which lead to us becoming better people.
Everything I have written is straight out of the Me’iri on Pirkei Avos (I don’t have the exact source offhand), though I have seen similar things written elsewhere as well.