Ouch, AYC. For what its worth, I had a small dose of what you’re talking about this yom tov, so I know a small sample of the pain of being alone.
Hashem does not need to “forgive” in this case, as you were never in the wrong. Since you do not have the vehicle the rest of us have, your method of joy is different that it is for the rest of us.
Its a small consolation, but perhaps you can find someone in a similar situation, and bring some simchas you tov to them. And be’ezras Hashem, next year, may your situation will be more to your likeing, and enable you to be the baal simcha you want to be!