WOI,
A couple ideas.
Maybe your wife’s problem is that she feels that you are treating her as secondary. She wants your assurance that she is primary. Her wanting to go on vacation may be more out of a desire for you to show her some attention (OK a vacation trip would be a *lot* of attention). Speaking of which, how often do (or did) you go out with her on dates after you got married? It’s a good idea to do so. It does not have to be something extravagant, but just time alone.
Do the councilors that you have been seeing understand the frum way of life? It seems to me that a Rav would be better in understanding and setting direction.