Ice, so sorry you are feeling bad, I am in London, ( England) so cannot offer suggestions of where you could find help in the USA BUT all the others posting messages of support and suggestion have done just that.
You would be amazed if you realised how many people feel the way you do. You have a right to be happy and you can help yourself to do that, dignity and self-respect come from within, you do not need the approval of others , you need to respect and approve yourself. Whether you are young or old it is never too late, people talk about their successes in life, not their challenges or feelings of inadequacy but we all have them. Life is precious and valuable, have you ever seen images of those facing hardship they have no power over, they are dealing with circumstances they cannot change. You CAN change yours, please contact one of the help groups so kindly mentioned by other posters and value yourself.
” deep down I’m very with it,” exactly! Point made! By you!