A Heimishe Mom: First you wrote “The big catch? The in-your-face attitude. Simpler lifestyle? sure. But EVERYTHING you do is noted, and held against you. I couldn’t deal with the accountability. My housing and tuition cost way more (though my taxes are lower), but I wouldn’t trade my low-key mixed yeshiva community for that.” I totally agree. I’m not saying that flatbush/boro park/kensington (areas near my home) is not like that at all, but the people here are much more accepting of different types.
Then you wrote: “The trick is to B) to choose a school that is right for YOU and your families hashkafah. Not every child belong in the Cheder or Bais Faiga. C) choose a neighborhood with others like you. I can say that I DO know such people who have settled and are very happy in Lakewood.” You’re right here too. But even though there is more of a positive tone in this response, its still comng from the same issue of not being able to fit in. Yes, here in NY and anywhere else for that matter, you have to find a place that is your ‘type’. But overall, in order for one to be accepted by the community in lakewood, you have to belong to their yeshivos. And in order to go to those yeshivos/BY you have to change your whole lifestyle. I like to think of myself as yeshivish, but i am accepting of all types and i would not fit in lakewood if i’d walk with people who wear, a baggier/longer denim skirt. Not sure if that was a great example, but its the point that i’m trying ot bring out.