Let me clarify: Its not that I don’t want to get better. I am dieing to get better! It’s just taking fooorrreeevveerrrr. I’m doing everything possible. I’m going for help, my parents know, my friends know, etc. I daven every single day and I always beg Hashem to send me a refua. I just feel like a hopeless case. It makes me even more depressed when the doctor tells me that I have “severe depression”! That really makes things seem hopeless! And you may not believe it but I keep asking e/1 if its really true that s/1 who commits suicide doesn’t get olam haba or tchias hamaisim because the only reason I’m still here is because of that :(. Also, I know nobody has a perfect life but they definitely can be carefree sometimes. They walk around full of life and happiness and I’m like “how could they…”.
Kapusta-Its good to know SOMEONE understands! Anyone who was never in the situation can’t and that’s why everyone tells me I’m cruel.
A huge thank you to everyone!