OP
Here is what I found online:
“Recognizing Abuse
It may sound strange, but people sometimes have trouble recognizing that they are being abused. Recognizing abuse may be especially difficult for someone who has lived with it for many years. A person might think that it’s just the way things are and that there’s nothing that can be done. People who are abused might mistakenly think that it’s their fault for not doing what their parents tell them, breaking rules, or not living up to someone’s expectations.
Growing up in a family where there is violence or abuse can make a person think that is the right way or the only way for family members to treat each other. Somebody who has only known an abusive relationship might mistakenly think that hitting, beating, pushing, shoving, or angry name-calling are perfectly normal ways to treat someone when you’re mad.
Seeing parents treat each other in abusive ways might lead a child to think that’s OK in relationships. But abuse is not a typical or healthy way to treat people.”
Please, please do something about this, OP. Your children do not deserve to live a life filled with terror, not knowing when their Tatty will snap.