I’ve been reading your posts and everyone’s posts.
Hashem should give you lots of strength. I’m thinking of you as I’m sure everyone is.
Some things I’m thinking maybe there were said already in a sense. There are many helpful Rebbetzin’s, Rabbonim and therapists. But keep your wits about you as to when you feel someone is helpful, can really understand and is objective. Don’t just spill your guts to anyone assuming they’ll be totally on your side.
I agree with the poster who wrote there are abusive husbands and husbands that are angry, under stress and ACT in an abusive way. An abuser can ACT caring and loving. A frustrated, stressed husband can be caring and he really is, and does INSIDE feel remorse for what he’s doing although he may not show it on the outside. Don’t everyone disagree with me, because I know someone like that.
I think you have to think about (with help perhaps)- would he want to improve, would he want help. If the answer is he’s too angry, too far gone, not intersted in working things out. Or does he sincerely want to change – especially if he’s not criticized but encouraged.