NEEDIDEAS:
I’m very impressed by your post. Shidduchim always involve 2 parties and you quickly learn that you win some and you lose some. I think your attitude is mature and compassionate, and at the end of the day your so right about being allowed to say no but being human and caring about causing hurt.
I find that it is harder for me to reject than to be rejected, and I always just allay the guilt by reassuring myself that its about tachlis and the system allows you to say no. Still, its never easy to think you might have hurt someone and I try to daven for everyone I went out with that didn’t work. Especially the one who rejected me. It never hurts to care.